...weight watching and the wedding...

Once upon a time, I thought I had to wait.  There was a certain kind of person I wanted to be.  She looked a certain kind of way, spent her time doing certain kinds of things.  She was me, but better.  Improved.  And she could have exactly the kind of guy she wanted.  So I set out to become her, hoping that if I 'deserved' him, he would come.  We girls tend to think this way.  (Gratefully, I was wrong.  He came despite my imperfections.  And he was so much more than the he I'd imagined.)

A large portion of this equation has always been my weight.  I grew up a fat kid.  I distinctly remember the first time I decided to put myself on a diet in my elementary school lunch room.  I was eight.  I spent most of my childhood and early adulthood feeling bad about myself.  It was hard and painful being so dissatisfied with my body, but somewhere along the line, something changed within me.  I made a decision to start taking better care of myself.  I accepted my plight, knowing that I'd grown-up with less than healthy habits and that genetically, the odds were sort of stacked against me, and I started slowly changing.

It was probably about two years ago that my best friend (and MOH) proposed that we train for Nashville's Country Music Half-Marathon.  It seemed like an impossible task, but we had about nine months to train and we knew it would keep us accountable.  I certainly would never claim to be an athlete...and that three hours was SUPER hard...but we did it.  I still had a way to go, but I was in the best shape of my life.

About a week after we ran the half-marathon, I moved home.  I lost the support and accountability of my best friend and spent all of my free time with my family, whom I love dearly, but who also encouraged the development of those habits I'd fought so hard to overcome.  I was saved by my a part-time job which required me to stay on my feet at work every day.  Even though I ate whatever I pleased and pretty much quit exercising entirely, I gained only six or seven pounds in the year before I came back to Nashville.  Then I came back, started my old desk job...and sat down.

It's the thing that's always hung over my head...and going into wedding, with the prospect of starting a family someday in the not-so-distant future, I want to look and feel my best.  DG and I have had about a million conversations about saving our children from the same sort of self esteem issues we suffered as kids.  His family medical history is laden with all sorts of preventable diseases and ailments just like mine.  And his dad passed away at a much younger age than is fair.  So together, we are changing our lifestyle.  It is a challenge for sure, but doing it together makes all the difference in the world.

Even this morning we found ourselves out on the greenway near his house for a nice little run out in the sunshine.  When we were on our way back to the car, I teared up a little (that's normal right?) trying to explain to him how much it means to me that he's doing this along with me.  (He's already down over 30 pounds! I'm so proud!)  Working together with someone who knows where you're coming from, who understands the struggle, and who is invested in your health and future is exactly what I needed.

So here's where I'm at.  Down about 11 pounds since I've moved back.  Keeping track via Weight Watchers online program.

(It's less than $20 a month and I highly recommend it!  It's practical.  Flexible enough to fit in to your normal life and logging all my food and exercise is the only way to keep me on target.)

So we'll just keep plugging away.  I've got about five and half months left and the MOH and I are planning to run the half-marathon again this year...exactly one week before the wedding (Yikes!)...complete with custom bedazzled bride and MOH wear, of course.

I know that I'll never be supermodel thin...but on my wedding day, I want to be able to look in the mirror knowing I did everything I could to feel the most beautiful I've ever been...and to know that what I'm offering DG on that day is the very best version of me and nothing less.  More than that...I want us to be around for a very, very long time to take care of and love each other.